The First Steps to Breaking Free
💡 Step 1: Stop Trying to Stop Them Intrusive thoughts happen to everyone (literally 97% of people!). And since we’re here we have to acknowledge that new parents are more susceptible to an influx of intrusive thoughts. This is common but not something that you have to just white knuckle through. Most people shrug them off, but OCD/anxiety makes your brain take them way too seriously. The more you fight them, the stronger they push back. Instead of trying to make them go away, try to allow them to be there. (Hard? Yes. But it works!)
🔎 Step 2: Notice How You Try to “Fix” Them We all have ways of trying to escape distress—Googling, asking for reassurance, replaying conversations in our heads. But these habits keep you stuck. Next time an intrusive thought pops up, pause and ask: What am I doing to make this go away? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle.
🚪 Step 3: Stop Avoiding What Feels Uncomfortable Avoidance tells your brain that something is actually dangerous—so it keeps sending alarms. Instead of dodging people, places, or situations that trigger anxiety, try to gently lean into them. Over time, your brain learns, “Oh, this isn’t actually a threat.”
✨ The Real Solution? Do Nothing. I know how hard this is. Everything in you wants to fix the feeling, make it stop, or find certainty. But the real work is staying present with the discomfort—without reacting to it. The skills we teach aren’t about making distress disappear; they’re about helping you sit with it so your brain learns it’s not dangerous. The more you practice this, the less often your brain will sound the alarm.
How NERs Help You Step Out of OCD’s Trap
Dr. Lisa Levine Psy.D. created non-engagement responses (NERs) to purposely acknowledge the presence of the anxiety or uncertainty OCD demands that you try to run away from. NERs allow you to respond to your OCD in a disengaging way. Think about playing a game of ping pong with OCD—if you put your paddle down, it’s really difficult for OCD to continue the back-and-forth game. When you use NERs, you are able to respond to your fears proactively without getting roped into a never-ending ping-pong tournament. NERs help us sit with the scary things while refusing OCD’s attempt to get us to engage in compulsions.
1. Affirmation of Anxiety
Rather than trying to reason away anxiety, acknowledge its presence. This keeps you from compulsively analyzing every fear OCD throws at you.
Example:
OCD: “You might have offended someone.”
NER: “I’m feeling anxious about that.”
OCD: “You could ruin that relationship.”
NER: “Feeling super anxious about that idea.”
Other NERs to try:
- “Oh wow, that’s a lot of anxiety.”
- “Yep, feeling super stressed about that one.”
- “Cool story, OCD.”
2. Affirmation of Uncertainty
OCD demands certainty, but you don’t have to play along. Instead, acknowledge the lack of 100% certainty and move on.
Example:
OCD: “What if you didn’t cut up the spaghetti and the baby chokes?”
NER: “I don’t know for sure.”
OCD: “What if she dies? It’ll be your fault.”
NER: “I don’t know, and I’m not going to figure it out.”
Other NERs to try:
- “Not today, bro.”
- “K, get some new material.”
- “Never heard that one before (eye roll).”
- “Really want to answer that, but I’m not going to.”
3. Affirmation of Possibility
OCD thrives on doubt. The best way to shut it down? Casually agree that anything is possible.
Example:
OCD: “What if the baby stops breathing in the night?”
NER: “Maybe, anything is possible.”
OCD: “You should stay up all night to make sure.”
NER: “Maybe, maybe not… but I’m going to get some sleep.”
Other NERs to try:
- “Sure, and maybe I’ll also get struck by lightning.”
- “Yup, that’s possible, just like winning the lottery.”
- “Wow, OCD, you’re really getting creative today.”
4. Affirmation of Difficulty
Sometimes, OCD warns you of something terrible happening. Instead of arguing, agree in a casual, almost playful way.
Example:
OCD: “What if you drop the baby down the stairs?”
NER: “That would really suck.”
OCD: “Yeah, you could seriously hurt him.”
NER: “Yep, that would really blow.”
Other NERs to try:
- “That was dramatic.”
- “Ha, okay.”
- “That might be the suckiest suck of them all.”
Final Thoughts
You might be wondering—shouldn’t I pay attention to some of these thoughts? The key is when urgency and desperation are present, OCD is trying to bait you. That’s your cue to disengage.
NERs aren’t about ignoring anxiety but showing OCD that you see the game and refuse to play. The more you practice, the more you retrain your brain to stop treating every intrusive thought as an emergency.
You don’t have to do this alone. While these are powerful skills, intrusive thoughts and anxiety can feel overwhelming without the right support. Our trained professionals are here to help you work through your intrusive thoughts and rediscover joy and peace in your life.
Moms, we’re here for you! If you’re struggling, you can text us through our front page to inquire about a session with one of our specialists.
Supporting an anxious child? We’re excited to offer an evidence-based parent skills class designed to help children move through anxiety more effectively. Research shows that parents who engage in this skills-based treatment see real improvements in their child’s symptoms.
You don’t have to navigate this alone—support is just a message away! 💙
